My friend Jeremy told me she had long hair, thick legs, a nice behind and was very endowed in the bosom area. Jeremy slid me the phone number and I called the next day. We had a lot in common; we liked the same movies, music and even shared similar goals. I forgot to mention she was White but that shouldn’t matter. Should it?
Me and this young lady (I wont disclose her name) dated for about two months before making it official. I must admit I wasn’t the most comfortable brother walking around my own neighborhood knowing that I had a White girlfriend. The “brothers” in my neighborhood would say “she thick as hell B” or “at least you gotta White-Black girlfriend”. My White girlfriend wasn’t the stereotypical White girl as some would say. She got what they called a “black card” by some of the African American community because of her social connections and affinities with the culture. The “sisters” AKA African American women looked at me funny when I walked in the mall. I constantly got the “mutha*@@* you must be tripping” look as I walked hand in hand with her. My African American female best friend didn’t say much when I told her the colorful news but she gave me that “look”. Any man can attest to the “look” that a woman can give you when she disapproves of something you’re doing. That look was classic, but nothing compared to the conversation with my Black mother.
A school Junior Ring Dance was coming up at my high school and I was planning on taking her. My mother asked me who I was taking and I told her the name of the young lady, so I left it at that. UNTIL THE DANCE PICTURES CAME BACK. My mother looked at the pictures and said “she’s White”. I nervously said “Naw mama she Jewish” hoping to get the oppressed people sympathy, but it didn’t work. She just shook her head and retreated to her room. I thought to myself “this isn’t gonna last long”
Even when we were dating I didn’t feel comfortable because I knew how my mother would take it. She wouldn’t approve and not because she’s racist but rather because it would put a bad mark on me. She said it was hard enough being an African American
without having someone criticize you for dating outside of your race. She says in a perfect world interracial dating would be okay, but the world isn’t on the same page with the issue. I agree but I still had to try and see for myself. Another issue that my mother had with interracial dating is the re-creating of interracial babies. When a baby is born to a Black and White couple, what racial-identity does the baby assume? I’ve seen a lot of cases where an interracial child preferences one of his nationalities over the other. Some of those reasons could be based off of socialization based on physical or socioeconomic attributes or self-hatred. I have seen cases where both cultures are recognized and respected seemingly equally. Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey are a few of these examples.
I haven’t dated outside of my race since that incident and a lot of it has to do with the perception that others have. I would love to say “I don’t care what other think, but I do and almost have to care in certain instances.” It was just a several decades ago when African American men were lynched for “liking” White women. I don’t think our society has fully embraced interracial dating. I don’t think I have either. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it but I have reservations about it. The reservations I have are based off perception and not racial discrimination. To each is own. Society is becoming more and more accepting of these types of issues but we still have a lot of work to do. My experience taught me a lot of about the baggage that I carried around because of my race. I would love to say we are all the same and we can do whatever, but we aren’t there yet. However, we are making strides.
Me and this young lady (I wont disclose her name) dated for about two months before making it official. I must admit I wasn’t the most comfortable brother walking around my own neighborhood knowing that I had a White girlfriend. The “brothers” in my neighborhood would say “she thick as hell B” or “at least you gotta White-Black girlfriend”. My White girlfriend wasn’t the stereotypical White girl as some would say. She got what they called a “black card” by some of the African American community because of her social connections and affinities with the culture. The “sisters” AKA African American women looked at me funny when I walked in the mall. I constantly got the “mutha*@@* you must be tripping” look as I walked hand in hand with her. My African American female best friend didn’t say much when I told her the colorful news but she gave me that “look”. Any man can attest to the “look” that a woman can give you when she disapproves of something you’re doing. That look was classic, but nothing compared to the conversation with my Black mother.
A school Junior Ring Dance was coming up at my high school and I was planning on taking her. My mother asked me who I was taking and I told her the name of the young lady, so I left it at that. UNTIL THE DANCE PICTURES CAME BACK. My mother looked at the pictures and said “she’s White”. I nervously said “Naw mama she Jewish” hoping to get the oppressed people sympathy, but it didn’t work. She just shook her head and retreated to her room. I thought to myself “this isn’t gonna last long”
Even when we were dating I didn’t feel comfortable because I knew how my mother would take it. She wouldn’t approve and not because she’s racist but rather because it would put a bad mark on me. She said it was hard enough being an African American
without having someone criticize you for dating outside of your race. She says in a perfect world interracial dating would be okay, but the world isn’t on the same page with the issue. I agree but I still had to try and see for myself. Another issue that my mother had with interracial dating is the re-creating of interracial babies. When a baby is born to a Black and White couple, what racial-identity does the baby assume? I’ve seen a lot of cases where an interracial child preferences one of his nationalities over the other. Some of those reasons could be based off of socialization based on physical or socioeconomic attributes or self-hatred. I have seen cases where both cultures are recognized and respected seemingly equally. Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey are a few of these examples.
I haven’t dated outside of my race since that incident and a lot of it has to do with the perception that others have. I would love to say “I don’t care what other think, but I do and almost have to care in certain instances.” It was just a several decades ago when African American men were lynched for “liking” White women. I don’t think our society has fully embraced interracial dating. I don’t think I have either. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it but I have reservations about it. The reservations I have are based off perception and not racial discrimination. To each is own. Society is becoming more and more accepting of these types of issues but we still have a lot of work to do. My experience taught me a lot of about the baggage that I carried around because of my race. I would love to say we are all the same and we can do whatever, but we aren’t there yet. However, we are making strides.
6 comments:
Perhaps they are looking at you to see if you are a good match. People do this a lot, probably more to older couples and mixed couples. Throughout history there have been interracial relationships. Do you feel the same when you see an African American female with someone other than an African-American male? Parents only want their child to be happy, free from hate and hurt. Yes we worry that some fool will see you together and hurt or even kill him or his partner. My son is married to a white woman. They have children and I love them all.
It's disheartening to hear you close the door on the idea of interracial dating. I don't think that people in interracial relationships seek them out, but rather meet someone with whom they share a rare and beautiful connection and decide that, despite society's preconceived notions, despite potential negative reactions from black people and white people alike, and despite having to answer to the ultimate authority of mom, they are willing to take a chance.
Disclaimer: I am a white female, and I acknowledge that my perspective is based on the privileges and pitfalls of my white status. My first relationship was with a black man, and I only wish I could find another man to treat me as well as he did. We endured a lot from our classmates and community, but we shared a true love and mutal respect for one another. My relationship with him contributed to the long process of opening my ignorant white eyes to the realities of racism in this country, and I am incredibly thankful for both his love and the awareness that I gained from him and our true friends, with whom we shared open dialogue about race.
I know it's probably "easy for me to say" keep an open mind about interracial relationships. But all relationships are complicated and delicate, and real love should be supported, because, at best, it has the power to transcend our social realities.
Your experience is a prime example of how childhood experience shapes our perception of the world. It's deep. I had an odd upbringing. My mom was a working mother, my pop was disabled, so when I got home from school I'd go upstairs and hang out with my old Italian landlord Tony Scarfuto. I thought he was cool as hell, he cooked italian food and got me stuff for christmas, I would go with him to visit his fam, all that. He was the only white person I knew personally (that wasn't a teacher) until I was 16. My pops was light skinned (his grandfather was white) hazel eyes curly hair, but pro black to the core. I absorbed everything he talked abt when it came to racial politics, read every book he gave me by Ivan Van Sertima, Anthony Browder etc, etc... He even told me explicitly, "boy don't you bring no white girls in this house" Spent a couple years in a predominantly white H.S. messed around with a few white girls but never considered anything serious. Had white friends, but no one tight, couldn't wait to get outa there and goto Howard U, where I continued on my black righteous path. Immersed myself in blackness and black scholarship...Then my pops passed away senior year. Life changing event obviously. I graduated, got out into the real world, and for the first time was dealing with white folks on a regular basis, and it was gravy for the most part. I didn't really start viewing white women as attractive until my mid to late 20s (I'm 32 now) and I can't really put a finger on how that came to be given my background. I think I had a lot of other peoples hang ups abt race (my pops, friends, etc) I'd been carrying around, and I just let the hang ups go at some point. I've since been involved with a number of beautiful, wonderful non-black women from all over the world, and I wouldn't change the experience for the world, I've learned so much abt other cultures and worldviews; the experiencs have definitely enriched my life. I get the looks, the stares all that as well, I just try my best to ignore them because I refuse to live my life being defined by other peoples issues and hang ups abt race, and how I should be. My advice to you would be to endeavour to do the same, do who and what makes you happy brother.
How could you all say to date someone other than BLACK is ok..isn't your mother black? I think it is a slap in the face for a black man to date another race...given the fact that the black women has/had/ and are the backbones of our communities!! You need to get a grip on reality and date within your race!! No other race or animal species goes outside of its natural habitat, but the black man...WHY is that? Self-hatred? Love, respect and protect the black women...she is your first teacher...your mother!!
I guess as a Christian I accept that life is not a popularity contest. One can die or be killed even, at any time for a multitude of reasons. As a black man I feel that I've been toughened by circustance to endure whatever life throws at me. Pardon my bluntness but it would make me feel like a broad not live my life according to my faith and my choice just like Jesus say's love me the way I am or to hell with you.
I think your mothers reasoning was slightly tainted. She could have been honest and said she did not like idea of you dating a white woman. I know that is what she thought.
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