Monday, September 15, 2008

I Don't Love You Anymore


As a writer I know the power that words can have on one’s mind. I remember reading “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” as a kid and being mesmerized by the vivid word play of Roald Dahl. The sounds and denotations of the words were so powerful that it made me feel first person with the text. My love for words eventually became 16 bars. My first rap CD was Heavy D and the Boy’s second album “Big Tyme” and from then on my collection grew to “Ready to Die”, “All Eyes on Me” Thug Motivation 101” and the list goes on. Rap is a mainstay in my life. The morning ritual consists of: brushing my teeth, listening to the enthralling beats of the enormous rap collection that has grown exponentially since 1989 and eating. Over the years my tastes have grown within the genre. When I was around 5 or 6 my uncle would grace my ears with the sounds of Chuck D’s politically charged anthems, Q-Tip’s laidback grooves and even the sounds of the Fat Boys. This inception into the realm of hip hop took many twists and turns. From the East Coast, West Coast, Dirty South and even the Midwest, this love of mine called hip hop has uplifted some of my darkest days. It has been my pre-game warm-up music, getting dressed to impress music, background sound while I’m studying music, the cant wait to hear your next album music. It’s been everything. But now I’m falling out of love with it.

It’s not you, It’s ME.

God has been speaking to me about the music that I listen to for some time now. In my never-ending quest to FULLY submit to God and all his Love, I have been struggling with the potential of letting go of the music that I love. To let something go that is so engrained in your being is like losing a limb or organ. The music that I listen to isn’t taking me a step closer to God and I know it. While I fully know that SOME of the music that I listen to is hindering my progression into God’s kingdom, I can’t let it go. Let me rephrase that, I CAN but I’m not ready and willing to let it go. I compare this situation to your parents telling you to dump your girlfriend/boyfriend because their bad for you. You may knowingly agree with them, but it’s something about that person that keeps them around. Some of the music that I listen to glorifies materialism, inappropriate displays of sexuality, drug abuse, violence and any other –ism that you can think of. I hate to pick on my rap collection because some of my R&B choices are quite risqué as well. I must reiterate that not all of the rap music that I listen is bad, but some of the music that I listen to on a daily basis quite harmful to my ears. God has a way of letting me know when I’m wrong that’s indescribable. I can listen to a song and immediately feel weighed down by the excess negativity in the music.

Recently I have decided to start deleting some of the music in my library. I must admit that it has been a very hard process, but its one step towards erasing my life of negativity. I have asked God for the strength to erase a lot of different things in my life, but this by far has been the longest and hardest change to make. Hopefully my testimonial will bring about change.

12 comments:

AutumnJones said...

Wow!! That was great.. In the words of Ceelo "your getting grown."

JD said...

Love you brother... I'm here on the same journey. lets meet paths and continue it together...

Mesha said...

OMG, you took those thoughts right out of my head. I struggle in that area too along with many other areas. You are really maturing as a writer and I pray that you continue to be an inspiration to us all. God Bless You!

DaunteMom said...

Son, you are definitely becoming the man/son I raised you to be. We are making the same journey and it has been hard for me too to discard my R. Kelly collection - lol!!! Love ya and keep doing what you are doing!

Anonymous said...

I appreciate your mind and your wisdom as an outstanding role model of Black Men, you have the ability to inspire us all, and proves that there is no greater venue to acclaim knowledge than Education.

I will show this to your Grandad,for I know the He,too, will be inspired by your work.
Emmitt Till, is the profound reminder that no matter how far we go in this Life, the White man will always view us a unworthy of Life.

Keep up the excellent work Don, for it it appreciated.

Farrah Mirzaee said...

Mr. Henderson....WOW! First of all i think this is a great outlet from Black men. I was wondering why my inbox wasn't flooded with e-mails from you this summer. LOL This is a great comeback. I definately can relate to this feeling. Even though I was not as connected to music as you, I let go of some of the music that isn't edifying to my Spirit and like you said maybe even harmful. Thanks for brining the word yet again.

Are you going to any conferences this year??

Pam Miller said...

Daunte, I am proud of you. I truly believe God will reward you for not only listening to Him but also obeying His prompting in your heart.:-). I pray God will continue to draw you closer as you seek Him with your whole heart :-). Blessings, Pam

Jai-Jai said...

You are an amazing young man. Your mom and I are great friends. As I read your words, I know she has raised what america needs so badly. A real black man. It is as thought you looked inside my heart and described my feelings for rap. I was raised on rap. From the Sugar Hill Gang to Lil Wayne. I vowed I would be 70 yrs old sipping lemonade listening to rap. It is expression, it is poetry, it is joy, it is pain. I love rap, but the lyrics often don't love me (the black woman) back. So I am gonna have to take a lesson from you young man. I am going to eliminate the negativity from my ear gate. Much Love. Your mom's friend from the "A". Jai-Jai

AQueenIm said...

Chill bumps have covered my arms, tears form'd in my eyes, when I listen to my young black brothers with such talent "U"! I am "she"...who can also relate with your struggles. I do love rap, and look at it as a story being told! I dont however, take all of it to heart! (I wont destory their dream, they made it how they made, sum not so,so, but they made it)and from that I still have a vision! GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART! I look foward to your "stuff" being published! 1Love! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

AQueenIm said...

It's me again! (Aqueenim) Hey! how bout would it be wrong for a fifdy-1 yr old women (ur mom's friend) 2break out with the butterfly, or the t-roll? I wont do it!....LUV U SON! 1LOVE....LYDIA/Cali!

NeGrow said...

I can't do it son! Hip Hop has been the voice of the young black man and woman for years when we had no voice at all. I don't think my creator will judge me on the music I listen to but more on the impression I left behind. Hip Hop is the child of America and its ways with a face few are able to stomach. When we were in Africa we sang about Africa. During slavery we sang about freedom. In the hood we rap about the hood and the struggles we have from getting out of the hood to simply expressing our natural instinct to love the black women. It’s a challenge balancing the voice or your people and your spirituality but it takes a man to even step up to the plate. Good luck on your journey and remember you would not have ‘this’ if it were not for ‘that’.

ckcorrie said...

Wow. After reading that article, my tendency would be to comment on how much I agree with you and that I have gone through the same types of insights in my life. I guess now that I've said what's on my mind, I'll say that I'm glad you can communicate your thoughts with people, and your words resonate in our minds and hearts. God is mysterious and great, and I think we better listen to Him. Keep living and loving life Daunte!